My husband and I met on Tinder in February of 2014. We celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary on Sunday, and even though he can’t get through a day without finding my blonde hair somewhere on his clothes and I am always wiping his protein powder off the kitchen counter, we’re pretty stinkin’ obsessed with each other. So here’s the scoop: meeting people on Tinder is easy. Meeting your husband on Tinder is a whole other monster. Today, let’s talk about how to meet your husband on Tinder. And at the very least, I want to give you all some insights into how to approach dating apps in a way that will increase your chances of finding a good man―and love.
When I started using Tinder, there was no way I could have known how vastly the app would impact my entire life. But I didn’t find Cody overnight. It took hundreds, if not thousands, of swipes left and right, months of digital conversations, crude messages from strangers, several bad dates, and one ugly breakup to get to Cody. Meeting a good man offline is difficult, and, as I’m sure you know or you wouldn’t be reading this, meeting a good man online is no walk in the park, either.
How to Meet Your Husband on Tinder
1. Choose a variety of photos that represent an accurate version of you―This tip came from a girlfriend of mine who is currently using dating apps, and I think she made such a good point. If you’re independent and love doing solo activities, only having photos of yourself in big groups isn’t an accurate portrayal of YOU. If you’d rather be in your jogging shorts than a fancy dress, refrain from only sharing photos where you’re attending semi-formal weddings and events. People are going to draw conclusions from every word you write and every image you post in your profile.
It’s important to note that the reason you should portray an accurate image of yourself is not for anyone else. It’s so that YOU don’t waste YOUR time. There’s no doubt you look really cute in those photos from your best friend’s bachelorette party in Vegas. But if your idea of a great Friday night is staying in and avoiding the bar scene at all costs, you may want to pass on those photos from Wet Republic (or don’t make your entire profile party pics). You attract what you give off, and a picture says a thousand words. If you love going out, tell that story in your photos! If you love the outdoors, make that known. If you like staying in and eating pizza, leave me a comment and we’ll hang out sometime. 🙂
But seriously, just be yourself.
2. Go on first dates―First dates come only second to root canals on my “things I don’t want to do” list. They’re awkward. They’re nerve-wracking. They’re a necessary part of the process. If you’re on dating apps but keep saying “no” when people ask to meet in person, get off dating apps. You’re wasting your time, and you’re wasting these guys’ time.
If a man asks you on a date via a dating app and 1) he’s been nice and respectful 2) you find him attractive in his photos 3) you’ve enjoyed your conversations with him even a little bit 4) he is asking to meet IN A PUBLIC PLACE, why would you say no? If your goal is to get married, an in-person visit is probably going to be a requirement at some point. Go on first dates. Give people a chance.
3. Be direct about what you’re looking for―If you’re ready to get married, don’t write “looking for something casual” in your bio. That’s a super obvious example, but it’s true nonetheless. If while chatting with a new guy on Bumble he mentions he wants to get married, but not for 10 more years while he’s trying to make partner at his firm, don’t say “yeah me too” if that’s not what you’re looking for. It’s OK to not be on the same page as someone. It’s OK to want different things and move on. It’s not OK to lie to yourself and others.
4. Don’t waste your time on guys you know aren’t right for you―This is such a big one, because it can be hard to walk away from someone you’ve come to care about―even if the relationship has gone from romantic to platonic. But sometimes, it’s not hard. For example, don’t swipe right on a guy who says he’s an atheist in his profile if you’re a Christian. If a guy is chowing down on a bacon cheeseburger in one of his profile pics and you’re a proud vegan, don’t swipe right! When a man says something in his bio, take his word for it. Don’t even go there, ladies. Do not waste your time.
Other times, realizing a person isn’t right for you may click after several weeks or even MONTHS of dating. It sucks having to tell someone you’re no longer interested in seeing them (especially if they’re nice). However, in the long run, it’s good for both of you to be honest. Don’t get more attached to someone if you know in your heart they’re not right for you. And leading someone on is downright mean, especially if they really like you.
The longer you stay in the wrong relationship, the longer you will wait for the right one.
5. Say what you mean to say―Yes, like the song. Don’t play the “I don’t want to say that because he’ll think I’m…” game. Say what you want and say what you mean. If he thinks you’re crazy or emotional or stupid, then he’s not the right guy for you. Again, just be yourself.
6. Don’t be ashamed of being on dating apps―When Cody and I started to get serious, we began the “meet friends and family” process. Sometimes, it was awkward explaining how we met. “You met on the phone?” “Aren’t you too young to be online dating?” “What is a dating app?” We’ve heard it all, you guys.
Now, pretty much everyone knows what a dating app is, and it’s totally normal to be using this medium to meet people. I know a half dozen women who are getting married or are already married to men they met on apps like Tinder or Bumble.
7. Be patient with the process―Finding someone you genuinely connect with on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or Coffee Meets Bagel is not an overnight process. You will go on bad dates. You will kiss frogs. You won’t connect with everyone. That’s dating―both off and online.
Have a short memory when it comes to jerks and pervs. Block them and move on! There’s no reason to give people like that more time on your mind than they deserve. Focus your energy on the guys that have the values you’re looking for. Hone in on those values, and don’t compromise on the things that are important to you.
How to Meet Your Husband on Tinder
It’s important to remember that no one is perfect. That “perfect man” you end up marrying is going to have struggles and imperfections. He’s going to have qualities that don’t align with whatever mold you’ve conjured up in your head about your future husband. Determine what your must-have values are when it comes to your partner, and let the other stuff go. In 50 years, someone who is 6’4” isn’t going to make you any happier than someone who is 5’11”. In 50 years, a big fancy house won’t bring you more happiness than a small house that’s full of fond memories.
Above all else, remember that you are worth more than a one-night fling. You’re worth more than a crude remark from a stranger. You’re worthy of respect. Hold out for the man who gives it to you.
And you may not meet your “person” on a dating app! There are no guarantees when you start swiping away on Tinder or Bumble or Happn, but there’s nothing wrong with trying. If you stick to your guns regarding the values and qualities that are most important to you and have some fun with the process, I have no doubt you’ll meet some good people.
And who knows, maybe you’ll fall madly in love. I know I did.
*Always, ALWAYS go to a public place the first few times you meet with someone. If at any point you have red flags about your safety, do not ignore them. The Internet is a fantastic medium for meeting new people, but don’t put yourself in dangerous situations by visiting with strangers in their homes or ignoring your instincts. If he’s a nice guy, he won’t have any issues with meeting you in person. If a man ever gets frustrated or upset with you because you won’t meet him privately in his home, RUN, don’t walk away from the situation. Block him on the app and on your phone.*